Sense of humour

Some of you appreciate my monthly tongue-in-cheek editorials. But I have to admit that credit is entirely due, not to me, but to those in this house who have a real sense of humour, namely the administration. Not a week goes by without this department producing yet another hilarious circular letter. It’s all the funnier because it’s generally unintentional.

Circular ST/IC/2002/13 on the reduction in support services is a case in point. To avenge the cuts made in our budget, the administration has decided to deliver a direct blow to the delegations: “You won’t pay up? Fine!”

First retaliatory measure: make the dele- gates thirsty by taking away the water pitchers in the conference rooms. Second measure: make them freeze, no more heating after 5 p.m. and, finally, leave them naked: no more coat attendant services. And to top it all off, the liftboys who worked in two lifts serving four floors of the building in New York will also disappear. The unfortunate delegates, dying of cold and thirst and stark naked, will henceforth have to press a button with their frozen little fingers to go up four floors. These measures are inhumane and worthy of our best humorists.

Another triumphant circular from personnel declares that the voluntary managed reassignment programme for P-2 staff has been an enormous success. Indeed, thanks to this grandiose programme, which in terms of worldwide impact comes between the construction of the pyramid of Cheops and the invention of the wheel, eight P-2s were transferred in 2000 and seven in 2001. Congratulations on this victory, but when you think of the number of hours devoted to this programme, which among other things includes a guide, a compendium and a Q&A document, you wonder if the sums expended to transfer 15 out of 8700 UN staff members were spent wisely.

Editor-in-Chief, Jean Michel Jakobowicz