The election
In just a few weeks time, a new Secretary-General will be appointed. Speculation
is rife: will he or she be African, Asian,
European, Latin-American or from the
Middle East? One thing is certain, I am not
a candidate.
The profile of the candidate is too complex
for me. He or she must be a woman
while being a man. He or she must be
sufficiently intelligent not to show it too
much, to have a strong temperament while
being as meek as a lamb, to please the
North as well as the South, the East as well
as the West while having an opinion of
his/her own. The candidate will have to
direct international diplomacy and a
secretariat whose ceaseless mobility will
make the UN look like a vast anthill. He or
she will have to supervise the finance, the
blue helmets, to travel ceaselessly while
remaining in New York.
He or she will have to be above all
suspicion, as well as his or her spouse,
children, uncle and aunt, parents and
grandparents. He/she must lead the life of
a saint while being non-religious. This perfect
being will have to have an iron
constitution and be able to answer day and
night the intrusive questions of journalists.
For those who recognize themselves in this
profile, I advise an infallible way to be elected.
As soon as you hear about the election, go
immediately to New York and spend your time
entering and leaving the Security Council’s
meeting room. Why? Because I am sure that at
one point or another, when the eminent
members of the aforesaid Council realise that
they cannot find a candidate by consensus, they
will end up saying: “Let’s take the first person
who comes in the door!” If it is you, I wish you the
best of luck, because you will undoubtedly
need it!
© 2006 UN Special |